


Victoria Chase Has No Heart (Kate Marsh Stole It Away)

by ktao3



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Game Spoilers, Love, Max and Chloe make an appearance in Chapter 6, Mild Sexual Content, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-08 09:04:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5491547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktao3/pseuds/ktao3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Victoria Chase and Kate Marsh (improbably[?]) become friends and fall in love after a post-noncanon Life Is Strange ending (a hospital ending, where Max goes back, gets shot to save Chloe, and everyone lives). Short chapters about the ups and downs of this relationship till I'm satisfied . . . but we'll end on the fluff-y side.</p><p>Told in my usual angst and fluff style, because apparently I know no other way. </p><p>Decided to try my hand at some Chasemarsh, because thinking about them keeps interfering with my other fics. Sometimes there's nothing to do but write it. : )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. December 2014—The email

December 2014  


Victoria Chase was buzzed. She closed her eyes and deepened the kiss she was giving to . . . what was her name again? Whatever. She was good at kissing. Such soft lips. Victoria licked them, then pressed the mystery lady against the club hallway. She was tall, muscular. She began to slide her hands down to Victoria's ass. Okay, that kind of shattered the spell. Victoria pulled back and looked at her face. Long black hair, crystal green eyes, a beautiful smile. So hot, but . . . so not Kate. Victoria backed away even further, shaking her head. The hottie gave her a questioning look.  


"I'm sorry. I am really sorry. I can't. There's . . . there's someone else. I can't."  


"You sure?" Hottie gave her a coy look.  


Victoria sighed. "Yes, I'm sure."  


Hottie shrugged and said, "Okay. Your loss."  


Victoria smiled, "Oh, I'm sure of that too. But you'll have no trouble finding someone to take my place."  


Hottie said, "Well, good luck with . . . someone else." Victoria looked to the ground, thinking, "If only."  


She turned to leave the club. Once she was outside, she pulled her sweater around herself as she walked home. "God, if you're there, can you give me some hint about when this is going to stop hurting? Damn it. Kate . . ." All she heard was the clicking of her shoes on the sidewalk, and she felt alone in the world.  
*****  


When Victoria got back to her room, she was still feeling the alcohol. She turned on her laptop.  


"I shouldn't do this," she told herself. But she didn't have the energy to stand up to temptation twice in one night. She began to type.  


Dear Kate,  
Here it is, December 6. Six months since I had the privilege of waking up with you in my arms. I know we both agreed it can never work out. I know we both said it would be easier to take a break from talking. But it doesn't feel easier right now.  
I have to be sure you know I think about you all the time. I miss you, Kate. I miss you. Did I already mention that? It bears repeating. Kate Marsh, I miss you so much. I felt closer to you holding you all night than I ever felt having sex with anyone else. I just need you to know that.  
Love, Vic  


She hit send without even rereading.  


Then she pulled out her phone to send a text, telling herself, "All the way, Vic. Don't stop now."  


She texted, "I sent you an email. Please read it when you have a chance."  


Then she turned the sound off on her phone and placed it facedown on the side table.  


She flipped off the light, thinking, "Don't cry." And she didn't. She fell asleep kind of wishing she could let herself.  


*****  


Victoria woke up with a headache, trying to remember everything from the night before. She picked up her phone.  


There was a missed call and a series of texts from Kate.  
Kate: It's nice to know you think of me.  
Kate: I think of you, too, all the time.  
Kate: I want to talk to you.  
Kate: But I'm still in love with you, Victoria.  
Kate: So what should we do?  


Then, a few hours later.  
Kate: You should come visit me.  


The last message was from 7 in the morning. Now it was 10. Damn it.  


Victoria texted, Do you really want me to visit? Say yes, and I will.  


Then she stared at the screen. After 10 minutes of that, she got up to make herself coffee. She turned the sound back on on her phone. She washed two pills down with black coffee, sitting and wondering how she should feel. Happy? Like she had made a mistake? She couldn't figure it out before the phone buzzed with Kate's reply.  


Kate: Yes.


	2. October 2013—The day everything changed

October 2013  


On October 7, 2013, Victoria's life changed forever. Her best friend, Nathan Prescott, shot Max Caulfield in the bathroom, putting her in a coma. Unbelievably, that wasn't even close to the worst of it.  


When Nathan got arrested, a sordid tale came flowing out of him. How he had drugged Kate Marsh. And Chloe Price. And Rachel Amber. Oh, and Rachel Amber? She was dead, buried in the junkyard. Nathan swore he never meant to hurt anyone. He swore he didn't kill Rachel, and placed the blame for her death squarely on Mark Jefferson. He said Jefferson was the one behind it all. Jefferson, the person Victoria idolized. A photographer who twisted art for his own sick obsessions. What the hell?  


Blackwell closed for a week in an effort to defuse the panic in the air, reassure parents, and get rid of the media that had descended in droves, filming students and staff in their shock and sorrow, asking them to explain how evil had walked among them unnoticed.  


Victoria went home to Seattle and took the time to reflect on who she was and what she really wanted out of life. Because if this is where the path she had been on had led, a correction was desperately needed.  


For a week straight, as disturbing detail after disturbing detail emerged, Victoria sat in the quiet and darkness of her room thinking, "So my best friend and my idol are BOTH psychos? Are you fucking kidding me?" And "What the hell does say about me? About my judgment?" She had known Nathan wasn't exactly well, but she had never suspected anything like this. Sometimes she had even thought maybe some of his behavior was an act for attention. But now . . .  


Victoria thought that maybe she had told herself that some of her own behavior was just an act too. The archetypal bitch/mean girl. But was that who she really was? She sat on the edge of her bed, crying alone and thinking "Maybe this is what I deserve. I fucking participated in bullying Kate Marsh. I filmed her after my friend drugged her." Kate Marsh, who was the probably the kindest, most genuine person she had ever met. Why had that annoyed her? Did that kindness make Kate seem weak, like an easy target? "Oh my God. Is that who I am? Maybe I'm more like the worst parts of Mark Jefferson than I want to let myself believe."  


Could she change? Could she find a different way to be confident and protect herself without being cruel? She decided she had to, even though it would be hard. She found herself hoping Kate would come back to Blackwell so she could apologize to her, and prove to her that she could be someone different. Maybe even her friend . . .  


What the fuck was it about Kate Marsh? Was it just Victoria's feelings of guilt? She wasn't sure, but even in the midst of all the other madness, she couldn't stop thinking about her.


	3. October 2013—A note to Kate

October 2013

When all the students returned to Blackwell, a pall hung over everyone. Mark Jefferson would have loved the change in the school's social environment. Now there was a sad—scared—atmosphere that grew from the awareness of the corruption that could lie within the soul of any stranger. A trusted adult. Another passenger on the bus. A student you never met before. Or that you thought you knew well. Any innocent illusion of safety that had existed was gone forever.

 

Suddenly, Kate Marsh was no longer the flavor of the week for the rumor mill. Instead, when Victoria walked past a group of students, she would hear them whispering—Nathan's name. Jefferson's. Hers. Victoria had been the object of rumors before, but she had always attributed them to jealousy. Now, she couldn't convince herself of that anymore. So, this was just a little of what Kate had felt . . . It sucked.

 

Hmmm, thinking about Kate, again. On Wednesday night, Victoria slipped a letter under her door:

 

Kate,

I'm glad to see you back at school. 

I understand if you hate me. I want to try to explain some things, but, more important, to apologize. I hope you will read this.

First, please know I had no idea what Nathan did the night of the party. I knew that he is not completely well, psychologically, but I never would have believed he would do something like that. 

I am sorry about the video. I was so wrong to do that. I know being drunk isn't an excuse, but I was really drunk. I guess I was trying to impress my friends. Honestly, the situation seemed funny because of the way you always advocate abstinence. Many times it seemed like you were judging all of us. Again, not an excuse. Now . . . knowing what we all know, nothing about this situation is funny. It's horrible. And I contributed to making it worse for you. I was selfish and thoughtless.

Kate, I apologize. I'm sorry for everything that happened and everything I have done that has caused you any pain.

Unlike most of us here, I know you've thought about forgiveness. I hope someday you might be able to forgive me, and we can start over again. Like we're meeting for the first time. I realize now what a shallow jerk I've been. I probably don't even deserve to have someone like you as a friend. But I hope that maybe it can happen someday.

I know you have your own friends who have stood by you. But if you want someone else to talk to, ever, I promise you, I'm trying to change, to be a better person, and I'd love to have the chance to talk.

Sincerely,

Victoria

 

Afterward, Victoria lay in bed, interrogating herself. Why did she start videoing that night? She had been drunk. She had been trying to impress her friends. But. But. Was she ready to admit to herself there was something about seeing Kate kiss other people that . . . had an effect on her she couldn't define for herself? It made her uneasy. What's the real truth, Victoria? She fell into a fitful sleep trying to understand all her feelings and not succeeding.

 

When she woke early in the morning, there was an envelope on her floor.

 

Dear Victoria,

Thank you for your letter. I appreciate you reaching out.

It has been hard for me here at school lately. And you were a part of that. 

But I think that people can change. And I believe deeply in second chances and forgiveness. 

I see that maybe things are difficult for you at school now. I know how people can be.

Let me know if you would like to go to tea one afternoon. Whenever would work for you.

The next move is up to you.

Sincerely,  
Kate

Victoria was surprised by the depth of her happy reaction. She started to think about what it would be like to have tea with Kate.


	4. October 2013—Tea with Kate

October 2013  


Victoria walked into The Two Whales Diner. This wasn't exactly how she had imagined tea with Kate, but this was Kate's idea. She turned to the right, and Kate gave her a small wave from the last booth. Victoria tried not to notice how her heels slipped on the floor as she made her way to the table.  


As she sat down and slid over, the whole situation began to seem insanely awkward. "What am I doing here?" she thought. But Kate gave her a small smile, and she decided that if Kate could do this, so could she.  


"So, here we are," said Kate, again with the small smile, her hands folded one of the other on the table. She held Victoria's gaze.  


"Yes." Victoria nodded. "A little strange, no?"  


"Oh, a little." Was there the barest hint of friendly sarcasm or edge in Kate's voice? Victoria didn't know she had that in her.  


Just as silence began to descend on the table, Joyce Price arrived, mercifully.  


"Kate. Nice to see you here again."  


"Thanks, Joyce." The waitress earned a much wider smile than Victoria had.  


"And who's your friend?"  


"This is Victoria Chase. From Blackwell."  


"Well, nice to see you too, Victoria. So what are we having today?"  


"I'll have tea. And a slice of cherry pie."  


"So, the usual for Kate. And you, hon?" Joyce smiled at Victoria.  


Victoria hesitated, glanced at the menu for a second, then said, "I'll just have a slice of pie, too. But with coffee, please."  


"Alright. Two slices of pie coming up."  


As Joyce stepped away, Victoria asked, "You know the waitress? Do you come here alot?"  


Kate shook her head and said, "That's Chloe Price's mom. I've talked to her a few times. At the hospital. Visiting Max." It was almost as if at each pause Kate thought Victoria might catch on. But she didn't.  


"Oh . . ." Victoria realized—again—there was a whole world of Arcadia Bay that she had somehow just ignored before. Even worse than that, she vaguely remembered being here with Nathan one night, really drunk, making fun of Joyce's accent each time she left the table.  


"She's a nice lady," Kate added. Victoria sighed inwardly. Of course she is.  


Silence began to fall again, and Joyce rescued them a second time, dropping off the drinks. When she left, Victoria managed, "So, how is Max?"  


Kate shrugged slightly. "She's still in a coma, but she is healing . . . I have faith she'll recover. Sometimes things take longer than we would hope, but we have to be patient."  


Victoria wasn't sure why, but she found herself letting her guard down. Without looking Kate in the eye she said, "I feel like I should go to visit her, but . . . it seems so awkward. Because, you know, of Nathan." Then she instantly regretted saying his name to Kate. How had this meeting ever seemed like a good idea?  


And then the slices of pie were there, a scoop of vanilla ice cream on each plate.  


"A la mode, my treat. You two enjoy it now."  


"Thanks, Joyce." Kate gave Joyce that smile again. Maybe that's why she had wanted to meet here. She felt safe knowing there would be at least one friendly face she could trust here. Somehow this thought made Victoria happy and sad at the same time. She realized maybe a nanosecond too late that she should be saying something too: "Yes, thank you."  


Joyce smiled and walked away. They each focused on the plates, and picked up their forks.  


Kate took the first bite and said, "Mmm. Good. As always."  


Victoria took a bite and was surprised: "Yes, very good."  


"You seem a little surprised."  


"Uh, maybe a little."  


"You should trust me," Kate smiled, and again there was just the slightest hint of an edge to her voice. It wasn't mean or rude. It was just . . . more assertive than Victoria was expecting? She couldn't quite define it. But she liked it.  


Kate spoke up again, "Victoria, please believe me. No one blames you for anything that Nathan did."  


Victoria turned these words over in her mind ". . . anything that Nathan did." What about the things she had done? But shouldn't she be held accountable for those things? She simply nodded, feeling guilty and uncomfortable. Part of her wished she hadn't come here, but maybe she needed to talk to someone about these things in order to change.  


Then Kate was talking again, "You know, after Max got hurt I . . . I had some very strange dreams. In one, I . . ." She hesitated. Stopped. Then started again. "It was just a bad time for me and things happened." Pause. "The point is, you reached out to me—in the dream. It felt like maybe we could be friends. Then, after we all got back to school, you left me that note . . ." Kate shrugged. "What I'm trying to say is, sometimes we can only guess at what steps to take in life. Maybe we're meant to be friends. Maybe I'm just supposed to help you to visit Max. Sometimes I honestly feel like God is dropping hints for me, but I can only follow my instincts in figuring out what it all means." She shrugged again. "Does that sound crazy?"  


Victoria considered her, and everything she had just said. She could only reply, "I don't know."  


Kate gave her a questioning look, then she laughed. "Victoria, I think you need some practice reassuring people."  


Then Victoria laughed too. "Uh, you're probably right. I mean, what you said doesn't sound any crazier than any other way of getting through life. Life has been so crazy lately, I've kind of forgotten what noncrazy looks like anymore anyway . . ."  


Kate nodded, and finally gave Victoria a broader smile. "Me too, Victoria."  


After this exchange, the air between them seemed lighter.  


Kate asked Victoria how she was, really, because she knew how it was when everyone at school was talking about you. Victoria flushed a dark red and looked down at the table, finally saying, "Kate, it was far worse for you." She wanted to apologize, again—in person. But the words wouldn't come. Instead she said, "Don't worry about me. I'm fine." To change the topic, she told Kate she missed hearing her practice playing violin in the mornings. "I recognized some Paganini in there," she said.  


It was Kate's turn to blush a little, and she said, "Of course, you would. Recognize Paganini, that is."  


"My parents played a lot of classical music at home."  


"Oh, mine too. My parents don't really approve of popular music. Pop culture in general. They thought it was too sophisticated for us. Translate that as worldly. Perverse."  


"That's funny. My parents think most pop culture is too unsophisticated. Maybe they're all wrong. There's good and bad in every kind of art."  


Then they were talking about photographers and illustrators, their own work, styles they wanted to try, dream projects. Kate pulled a sketchbook out of her bag to show Victoria an idea she had recently begun working on. Time slipped by.  


As she sipped a second cup of coffee and the conversation flowed easily, Victoria realized she was having an amazing time sitting and talking with Kate Marsh. She thought, Life is . . . unpredictable.  


They rode the bus back to Blackwell together, and agreed they would go to see Max together too.


	5. October–November 2013—Friendship grows

October through late November 2013  


On a gray late October morning, Victoria lay in bed thinking about how things could change so much, so quickly. If in August someone could have shown her her life right now—wow. She rubbed her forehead as she shook her head. She wouldn't have believed it, that was for sure. Nathan in the hospital, his whole life probably ruined. Max still in the hospital, too, although there was hope for a complete recovery. Jefferson in prison—that sick asshole. And when she got out of bed in a few minutes, she'd be going to breakfast with Kate. To talk about a project they had started together. Kate. She shook her head, too many thoughts to sift through on that topic. She pushed the covers down. Everything about Kate. So unexpected. Confusing. But good overall. Right? Yes, right.  


After their first meeting in the diner, they stopped by each other's rooms for a chat here and there. Then about 10 days later, Kate asked if she would work with her on a project. The teacher that had replaced Jefferson offered students the option of doing an independent art project to fulfill their credit for the course—and to help deal with everything that had happened. Most everyone was lukewarm on the idea, except Kate. She had come to Victoria asking if she would add some illustrations to the photos that she was going to take.  


One afternoon, Kate had brought some storyboard-like illustrations to Victoria's room. She arranged them on the bed, then said enthusiastically, "So I have this idea. We've both been through a lot in this whole situation. So maybe it would make sense for us to work on something together, right? I know we have really different styles, but sometimes that can be . . . inspirational. Collaborating with someone with a different perspective, it can push an artist. I don't know. You're the expert on photography, so you could guide me, and it could be an opportunity for you to do some illustrating. If you want. I've been enjoying our talks, and I was just thinking about all this last night and . . .I, uh . . . [Victoria thought Kate's cheeks flushed when she said that, but it was hard to see because she was suddenly looking down.] I don't know. It seemed like a good idea last night. What do you think?" Kate lifted her face back up and smiled shyly at Victoria. And Victoria hadn't been exactly sure she wanted to do it, but when she looked in Kate's eyes—so clear and blue and genuine; she was really extending herself—well, there was no way for her to say No.  


In the old version of her life, before October, Victoria was sure that Courtney and Taylor would have given her shit about hanging out with Kate. Hell, she probably would have never even have done it. But after everything that had happened, everyone was a little more gentle with each other. Victoria had her time with her old friends, and she had her time with Kate. There wasn't really any crossover, but no one said anything about it. Well, at least they didn't say anything to her.  


Now Kate and Victoria would get together in their free time. Kate was really driving the project at first, but she was open to Victoria's idea, and soon they both took ownership of it. And in all their time together, a friendship began to grow. When they got together, they talked about the art for awhile, but inevitably other topics would arise. They slowly grew comfortable with each other.  


*****  


One day in early November, Kate asked Victoria, "Have you visited Nathan?"  


Victoria had shaken her head vigorously, "No. Did someone say I did?"  


'Uh, no, no. I've just been thinking about him. I know you two are . . . were . . . really good friends." Victoria looked at Kate like she wasn't entirely comfortable where all of this was headed. "I mean, I know you said there was a lot about him you didn't even suspect. But you also mentioned you knew he had . . . problems. Psychologically. And that his family is really messed up. Victoria . . ." Kate reached out and gently placed her hand on Victoria's forearm, "You have to do what's right for you, of course. But I'm sure he needs a friend now. That's all. If I were a better person, maybe I could go see him. But I can't."  


In those moments, Victoria wasn't sure what was making her heart pound. Kate's hand on her arm or the bigness of her heart. It was almost all too much. Victoria had gently placed her hand on Kate's then pulled her arm back. She had said as evenly as she could, "I don't know, Kate. I'm going to have to think about it. I don't know if I can do it either."  


Kate simply said, "I understand. It was just on my mind."  


*****  


Another day, later in November, Kate and Victoria had gotten together one evening to go through some photos. Time slipped by, and suddenly it was midnight. Victoria had looked at her phone and then said, "Look at us! It's the middle of the night, and we're both still in our school clothes."  


Kate had laughed. "Yeah, that's us. Top buttons buttoned, working away."  


Victoria had laughed back, but when she repeated, "Yeah, that's us," she got a funny feeling in her stomach. That's us . . .  


Another afternoon, Kate and she were in Kate's room looking over some illustrations. Suddenly Kate had turned to her and had said, "Can I ask you something?"  


Victoria said, "Sure."  


Kate looked down and asked, "Have you had sex?"  


Victoria's throat had constricted and she thought, "Oh shit, what is this about?" But she had answered, honestly, "I have." And then maybe a little more aggressively than was necessary, "Is that a problem?"  


Kate said, quietly, "No. Of course not." She let out a laugh that was little more than a breath. "Not at all. I know everyone here thinks I'm judging them for having sex. I just think . . . maybe it's more serious than people treat it. But . . . but that's not even what I want to talk about. I don't know. I'm sorry. You're right. We shouldn't talk about this."  


They were quiet for a moment or two, then Victoria said, "Look, we can talk about it, as long as we're not going to talk about religion too. I mean, we can talk about religion, too. Separately. As long as we keep it all separate, and you're not going to like preach at me about having sex. Okay?"  


Kate cleared her throat and said, "You know, religion is really important to me. It's the way I was raised, sure. But also, to me. Personally." She sighed. "But I feel like, I kind of got off on the wrong foot here with the abstinence group. It's important to my mother. And. And it is important to me, too. But it's not the most important part of my beliefs. At all. Meals on Wheels is much more important than that. Helping other people. Caring about other people. But now . . . everyone here associates with me being against sex." She shook her head. "I think about sex sometimes, too. I have normal teenage thoughts, you know?" She looked up at Victoria, but then quickly looked down. "Oh my gosh, I cannot believe we are talking about this. I'm sorry."  


Victoria was quietly astonished by the whole conversation, but she simply said, "Hey. It's no big deal. I mean, talking about it is no big deal." She was now the one shaking her head, "What I'm saying is, Kate, you are right. Sex can be a bigger deal than a lot of people here seem to think sometimes. But it can also be casual. For some people. To each their own, right? I know people have made fun of you about it, but secretly some of us might respect you for having the, uh, guts to stick to an uncool belief because it matters to you. Who cares what people think, anyway, right? Just do what works for you, Kate. That's the most important thing."  


Kate had nodded. "Right. Thanks." Again, silence. Then Kate had said, even more quietly than before, "Did it hurt?"  


Victoria had just blushed and said, "Oh my God. Kate, this might be getting a little too personal for us to talk about. I'm sorry."  


"Oh, Victoria. I'm sorry. It's just . . . I know you would tell me the truth. They're always giving us horror stories at church, but I know they're just exaggerating, if not outright lying. That's all. I was just curious about the real truth about how it really is, and I figured I could ask you. I'm really sorry."  


Victoria had breathed out her nose and shaken her head. Finally, she shrugged and said, "It shouldn't hurt, okay? Maybe a little. But, probably not. Don't believe the horror stories. It's . . . it can be really good." 

Victoria's inner monologue consisted of a voice shouting, "Are you actually fucking having this conversation with Kate Marsh?!" But there was outward silence again, and then Victoria said with genuine concern, "Are you sure there isn't someone pressuring you to have sex or something?"  


"No!"  


"Alright. Just checking. Making sure there isn't some secret church boyfriend or something . . ."  


Kate had shaken her head. "No. No secret boyfriends. Ever. Believe me." And the way she said it . . . Victoria got a feeling like there was so much more Kate wanted to say. Or ask. She felt like there was something going on between them that neither one of them was ready to cope with or articulate. Or maybe it was just coming from her side. All Victoria knew was, when Kate said there were no secret boyfriends, ever, it made her feel . . . awesome. And finally, finally, somewhere deep inside she admitted to herself, "Victoria, you are crushing on Kate Marsh. So hard. What are you going to do now?" But she had no answer for herself.  


So all she said was, "Glad to hear it." And she smiled at Kate and said, "You know, we can talk about whatever. Sometimes it just takes a second to get beyond that initial awkwardness. But I mean it. Anything. Okay?"  


And Kate had smiled back and said, "Thanks, Victoria." That smile. Victoria's heart skipped a beat.  


*****  


About a week later, it was time for Thanksgiving break, and everyone was leaving to go home. When Kate came to say good-bye to Victoria, Kate had pulled her into a quick hug. She said, "I'm thankful we're becoming friends." And Victoria had quietly replied "Me too, Kate." In that hug, she knew for sure she was a goner. Kate Marsh had stolen her heart.


	6. March 2014—Visiting Max

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Chloe make an appearance in our Chasemarsh story . . .

March 2014  


Kate and Victoria are visiting Max in the hospital. Kate tapes up a few new illustrations she brought to brighten up the room and talks excitedly about her plan to visit Seattle during spring break next week. There's an exhibit on Japanese illustrators she's especially looking forward to. Victoria had mentioned it to her because she knew she would be interested in seeing it. And she's going to stay at Victoria's parents' house for a couple days. And Victoria promised to show her around . . . Max and her ever-present guardian, Chloe Price, subtly exchange glances. But Victoria notices.  


"I'm not sure how interesting all this for Max," Victoria interjects.  


But Max says, "No, I'm interested. Anything that isn't a discussion about physical therapy is interesting to me at this point." A few minutes later, as Max's energy begins to flag, Chloe starts to drop not-subtle hints that maybe it's time to start wrapping this visit up.  


Kate says, "Oh. You're right, Chloe. We have been here awhile. I, uh, just wanted to ask Max something before we go." There's a nanosecond of awkward silence, then Chloe pushes herself off the wall and says, "Alright . . . Come on, Chase. Let's go grab a smoke while these two dorks have their mystery chat." Victoria glances at Kate, then says, "Sure."  


When Kate and Max are alone, Kate sits down on the edge of the bed next to her. Max turns to her and says, "What did you want to ask me about?" Kate blushes and looks down at her hands, then finally gets out, "You know, maybe we've tired you out enough for one week." She moves to push up from the bed.  


But Max nudges her, smiling, and says, "Oh no you don't, Kate Marsh! Don't try to use my sad physical condition to cover up for your shyness."  


Kate blushes even more. Finally she says without looking up, "So how did you know you and Chloe should be . . . more than friends?"  


"Oh." Max wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but it definitely hadn't been that. She holds her hands out in front of her and shrugs. "Chloe and I just have this intense connection that . . . has always been there." Max kind of laughs. "It's really hard to explain, Kate . . . She was my best friend and I loved her. And then I realized I was in love with her. I love being around her. I'd do anything for her. Life is . . . better when we're together." She pauses, again, the smile on her face even wider than before. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure if that's a very helpful answer. Um, why are you asking?"  


Now Kate really does stand up. "Just curious, I guess. I like seeing you so happy, Max. And I can tell it's because of her. I think it's great. I wanted you to know that."  


"Oh. Ok. Thanks, Kate. That's nice to know. You sure that's all you wanted to ask?" Max stands up too.  


Kate nods with a smile. "That's all." Then she moves to wrap Max in a hug.  


Max squeezes her back. "Kate, it's always great to see you. I can't wait to hear about your spring break."  


All Kate says is a quiet "Yeah . . . I'll let you know," and then she heads for the door.  


*****  


As Kate and Max talk upstairs, Chloe stares at Victoria through a long drag of her newly lit cigarette. She doesn't really like or trust her. The association with Nathan didn't help. But . . . Max likes Kate, and Kate is becoming friends with Victoria, and so here they are.  


As she blows out a cloud of smoke, she says, "So, looks like someone's got a hard-core girl crush . . ."  


For a second, Victoria's heart stops in her chest as she wonders, "How the fuck does she know that?"  


But Chloe continues, "Victoria this, Victoria that . . . I'm not sure what sort of Jedi mind trick you pulled on Kate after everything that happened this fall, but clearly she thinks you're some hot shit now. All I'm saying is, any friend of Max's is a friend of mine, so you better not do anything to hurt her." She nods her head in Victoria's direction, and says, "I've got my eye on you."  


Relief surges through Victoria, and she responds with a smirking smile and a flick of her own cigarette, "What the hell does that even mean, Price? Keep an eye on me. I'd say you were the one with the girl crush on me if I didn't know you and Max were all over each other's shit." She takes a drag, and continues, "Actually, I know you don't like me. There's nothing I can do about that at the moment. But Kate and I are legitimately becoming friends, so you don't need to keep your eye on anything." She exhaled. And it all would have been well and good, if she had just stopped there. But she couldn't keep herself from adding, with a hint of emotion, "I wouldn't do anything to hurt her."  


Chloe's eyes search Victoria's. Then she nods her head with a small laugh: "Holy shit . . ."  


But before Victoria can form a response, Kate is walking up to them saying, "Hey Chloe, promise to say hi to your mom for me, okay?"  


Chloe says, "Yeah, sure, Kate," and she gives her a one-armed hug, gazing with a knowing look at Victoria over Kate's shoulder. "You two have a good spring break."  


Kate smiles, "We will."  


"I bet," Chloe replies.  


Victoria drops her cigarette in the receptacle and turns to walk away without meeting Chloe's gaze again.  


*****  


When Chloe gets back upstairs, she says, "You are not going to believe this . . ."  


"What? That Kate has a thing for Victoria?"  


"No. That Victoria has a thing for Kate."  


"Whoa. She said that?"  


"Not exactly, but, trust me, she does."  


"Hmmm. Well, this is interesting. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Kate is so . . . vulnerable."  


Chloe says, "I warned Victoria not to be an ass. But it seems like she might have it pretty bad herself." Then she laughs, "I bet Seattle's going to be interesting. Boom chicka bow bow . . ."  


"Ugh, Chloe. Don't say that."  


"Come on. They're both into each other. Alone in Seattle, away from school, looking at Japanese illustrations . . . ooh, hot."  


"Well, they are definitely not going to have sex."  


"You just tell me what Kate has to say in two weeks."  


Max laughs. "She is not going to say that."  


"We will see, Super Max. We will see."


	7. March 2014—Kate visits Seattle

March 2014

In the days after the hospital visit, Victoria found herself thinking often of Chloe's words. Did Kate really have a crush on her too? When they were together, every smile Kate gave her took on new weight. Suddenly it seemed like maybe Kate went out of her way to touch her arm or hand when they worked together on their project. Did Victoria just wish that that were true?  


She lay in bed wondering, Is this my punishment for bullying Kate? Now she's all I can freaking think about. How smart and kind she is. Her surprising sense of humor. Her belief in the power of art. Her eyes. What in the world could she possibly see in me? Even if Kate ever expressed an interest in me, would it be right to let her know I feel the same way? She deserves someone better than me . . . But—maybe I could be deserving of her, if we were together. Maybe being with her would make me a better person . . .  


To her shame, Victoria's thoughts turned to remembered images of Kate kissing other people on that video she regretted more than almost anything she had done in her life—and there were an unfortunate number of regrets to choose from. She didn't remember them on purpose, but they popped in her head when she realized how much she wished she could kiss Kate even once.  


Maybe when they were together in Seattle . . . maybe there would be a moment . . . They would be sitting and talking, and she would lean over toward Kate, and their eyes would meet, and their lips would gently come together and . . . Oh my God, Victoria! What the hell? Victoria held a pillow over her face and let out a frustrated groan. Vic, pull yourself together! Thoughts of Kate continued to swirl through her mind until she finally drifted off to sleep.  


*****  


Kate wasn't arriving until noon on Thursday, but Victoria woke up at 6:30 in the morning and couldn't get back to sleep. She reminded her parents, again, that Kate would be there. Her mother said, "Sounds lovely. You two have a good day," as she headed out the door. Then Victoria was alone.  


She checked the guest room, again. She checked the refrigerator, again. Checked the bathrooms. Pulled out some books she wanted to show Kate. Spread out some photos she had taken for possible inclusion in their project. Checked over her plan for the day. Changed her clothes. Ate breakfast.  


It was only 8.  


She sighed. At that very second her text tone sounded, and she glanced down at her phone.  


Kate: On my way. See you soon!  


*****  


A little past noon, there was a light knock on the door. Luckily, Victoria had been sitting in the front room for half an hour waiting for it. Finally, she could put down the magazine she had been attempting to focus on the whole time. She checked her reflection in the mirror in the hallway (really, Victoria? she thought), then opened the door.  


Kate was standing there in a buttoned light blue blouse and a sweater and jeans, a purse and an overnight bag over her shoulder. But she was looking down the street. She turned and saw Victoria and relief washed over her face: "I knew I had the right number, but suddenly I was scared I had the wrong street."  


"No, you've got everything right. Come in." Victoria gestured at the hallway.  


Kate put her bags down as she looked around: "Wow, Victoria. This house is really beautiful."  


Victoria smiled. "I'll tell my mom you said so. She loves to hear that. I can give you the full tour later. I figured you might be hungry after your trip, so I sort of planned for us to go have lunch. Are you up for a little walk?"  


"Sure. Maybe I could just see the bathroom first?"  


Victoria looked apologetic. "Of course! Kate, sorry. It's the last door on the left at the end of the hall."  


"Thanks." Kate walked down and pointed to the closed door. "This one?" God, she was so adorable.  


"That's it." Victoria couldn't believe how frustrated she felt having to wait one more minute to get her day with Kate started. She thought to herself, "Victoria, you are really screwed."  


Kate came out of the bathroom and smiled at Victoria. "Okay, now I'm yours. Whatever you have planned, I'm up for it."  


"Excellent. I thought we'd stay with our Japan theme and go to my favorite sushi place before we head to the exhibit. I got us seats at the bar so we can watch the chefs."  


A hint of doubt showed in Kate's eyes, but she said, "That sounds great."  


"They have some other items on the menu, too. And there are veggie rolls . . ."  


"No, no. I'll try some. I'm committed to being a little more adventurous, starting with this trip."  


"Oh? Really?" Victoria asked in a way that she hoped didn't sound flirtatious.  


"Yes, really. Don't doubt me, Victoria." (Hmmm, did that seem a little flirtatious? Victoria felt like maybe she was playing tricks on her own mind . . . ) Victoria laughed a little and put her hands out in front of her, "Okay, okay. I won't doubt you. Let's get going then."  


*****  


They spent close to an hour sitting at the sushi bar, chatting and eating and, of course, drinking tea. Kate loved watching the chefs make sashimi flowers and elaborate arrangements of sushi. True to her word, she tried some individual ahi pieces and shared a spicy tuna roll with Victoria, but she drew the line at uni. She stared at the sea urchin and finally said, "That texture . . . I think we've reached the limits of my adventurousness."  


Victoria said, "Already?" But then she smiled, "No, no—I understand. That's not something for beginners. Unless they're quite daring, of course. . . "  


"Wait, are you challenging me?" Kate asked.  


"No," Victoria gave Kate a mischievous smile.  


"That's good—because, Victoria, I'm NOT going to do that," Kate laughed. Then she put her hand gently on top of Victoria's. "But everything else is really good. And watching the chefs is very cool. Thank you for bringing me here." Kate gave Victoria's hand a squeeze.  


Victoria couldn't stop herself from looking down at their hands, but she quickly gazed back up to Kate's eyes. She squeezed Kate's fingers gently back and said, "You're welcome. I'm glad you're enjoying it."  


*****  


Next they walked to the gallery that was showing an exhibit of Japanese illustrator Aiko Fukawa as well as some works by IC4 Design. Victoria remembered that Kate had mentioned Fukawa before and liking her style. As soon as she had seen a notice about the exhibit, she had invited Kate to come visit her. But Kate was enthralled by the other works, too. She took a long time to examine each one, and read all the information presented with each. Victoria and she ended up in separate rooms.  


The next thing Victoria knew, Kate was touching her arm. "Hey, come look at this with me." Then she was taking Victoria by the hand. (Victoria told herself, "It doesn't mean anything.") Kate led her to a large city scene. She gestured at the art: "Isn't this great? I know Fukawa is a lot closer to my usual style, but it might be fun to explore doing something a little more architectural and linear. I love all the details." She wasn't holding Victoria's hand anymore, but she was standing in her space, leaning into her, their upper arms touching as she pointed to details: "I mean, look at this figure in the window. There's so much character in these four little strokes." Victoria tried to keep up with the details of the conversation, but all she wanted to do was put her arm around Kate's waist . . . She told herself, "Just enjoy this for what it is, Vic."  


*****  


After a long visit at the gallery, Kate still had some energy. "Maybe we could go visit Chihuly Garden and Glass?" she asked. It wasn't exactly Victoria's scene, but she said, "Sure." And then, because it was so close to the Space Needle, they walked over so Kate could take at least one super touristy selfie during her trip. She took one with the Needle in the background, then said, "Victoria, come on. I need one with you, too." She snapped their picture, then held it up for Victoria to check.  


Victoria looked, then gave a little shrug. "It's okay, I guess. I hate my nose . . ."  


Kate turned the phone toward herself, then said, "What are you talking about? Your nose is perfect. You look great."  


Victoria rolled her eyes even as the compliment made her catch her breath. She heard herself saying, "That's easy for someone with your classic beauty to say. You actually do always look great."  


But Kate was rolling her eyes, too. "Classic beauty? Oh boy, Victoria, what are you talking about? You know, you don't have to compliment me just because I complimented you . . ."  


Victoria replied, "I know. I wasn't doing that. I mean it." She realized this conversation was veering into dangerous territory, but she couldn't make herself stop it.  


"Oh." Kate blushed a little, and there was an awkward silence. Then Kate simply said, "Thanks."  


"Well, thank you, too. Are you ready to head home?"  


"I think so. But thanks for taking me all around today. I've had a really good time."  


"I'm glad. Let's grab a cab, and maybe order a pizza?"  


The moment was almost gone, but Kate was still blushing a little. She was saying, "Sounds good" as Victoria said "Come on," and summoned her courage to put her arm around Kate's shoulders. They started in the direction of the nearest intersection. Kate leaned into her ever so slightly during the short walk, and the moment lingered till Victoria hailed a passing taxi.  


*****  


After pizza and a full tour of the house. After Victoria's parents came home and Kate met them, then they went off to have dinner with friends. "Have a good night," they said. "So nice to meet you, Kate." After they looked at the books Victoria had pulled out, and they watched a couple episodes of Sherlock (every second getting closer on the loveseat until they were barely touching and neither moved away). After mocking a series of random infomercials . . . then, it was late, and Kate admitted she was getting a little tired. Victoria reluctantly turned off the TV and said, "I'll show you back to the guest room."  


Victoria opened the door and turned on the light. She said, "My room is right there." She pointed to a door across the hall. Kate stepped into the guest room, and Victoria followed her in. "Are you sure you have everything you need?"  


Kate turned and smiled at her: "Yes. Thank you for such a great day, Victoria." Then Kate hugged her, and Victoria hugged her back. And the hug was warm and tight and . . . lasting a little too long. And Victoria moved her head back slightly and exhaled, because she needed to check on Kate. And Kate was looking her in the eye with an expression that said, "Yes." And "Do it." And "I don't think I can throw out any more hints without passing out." Then, finally, it was happening.  


Victoria didn't even know which of them started it, really, but she hoped it was her, after that look. At first their lips barely touched. But Kate made this little breathy sound and started kissing Victoria harder. She was holding Victoria's face and pulling her closer. And Victoria committed to this moment, no matter the fallout. She had wanted it so long, had imagined it so many times. She was pulling Kate closer, too, her right arm curled around her lower back as her left hand held Kate's right cheek. She tried to memorize the softness of Kate's lips, the wet, silky warmness of her tongue, the weight of her body against her arm . . .  


Kate broke the kiss, breathless, and said, "I'm sorry, Victoria!" blushing furiously.  


"What? No! Don't apologize." Kate was trying to back away, and Victoria didn't know what to do. Hold onto her, let her go?  


Kate was looking down, saying, "I couldn't stop myself."  


"Kate, it's fine! You don't have to stop yourself. We were both doing it. Please, look at me." Victoria's right hand was still barely holding onto Kate's left hip. She tilted her head down so she could see Kate's eyes. Her voice was slightly pleading as she said, "Hey, I wanted that to happen, too, okay? Don't apologize."  


Kate was shaking her head, still facing away: "You did?"  


"Yes, I did." More quietly, "Kate, hanging out with you these last few months . . . I . . . I have a total crush on you. Seriously." (Well, fuck—so much for not telling Kate about her crush.)  


Finally, Kate was looking at her again. "You do?" Her eyes showed both fear and hope.  


Victoria finally moved her hand from Kate's hip so she could hold her hand. "Yeah, I do." She laughed a resigned laugh. "I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable or pressured or whatever . . . But maybe I'm not the only one?"  


When their eyes met, there was a charge in the air between them. Kate was shaking her head, "You're not."  


"Sooooo . . . that's a good thing, right?" Victoria's heart was racing as she tried to calm Kate with a smile. She raised her eyebrows and nodded slightly as she repeated, "Right?"  


Kate sighed and shrugged: "Victoria, I don't know. How could this ever work out? We're so different . . ."  


"I don't know. How does anything ever work out? Maybe we should just give it a chance and take it one step at a time and see what happens?" Victoria felt her own courage faltering. She thought, "Kate, c'mon, please give me one positive sign."  


Kate was searching Victoria's eyes and at the same time seemed to be searching inside herself. She finally said, "Maybe . . ." She gave Victoria a small smile, "At least, it seems like we're well matched for kissing."  


Victoria laughed, relief and something close to joy flooding her brain. "Yes. It definitely seems that way." And she leaned in to kiss her again, and Kate kissed her back and melted into her arms.  


*****  


The kissing continued for awhile, and eventually they moved to sitting on the edge of the bed. Victoria's hand made its way under Kate's shirt, fingertips gently grasping her waist. Then the hand pressed flat against Kate's soft skin. Kate started to shake her head and backed away. She sighed and said, "Victoria, I think we should stop."  


Victoria pulled her hand back. "I'm sorry."  


"No. It's not that. I mean, it is that, kind of . . . it's just going to get harder to stop . . ."  


"Kate, I wasn't trying to pressure you, I promise. I only wanted to touch you."  


Kate exhaled shakily. (Victoria, saying that probably didn't help, she told herself.) She reached up to touch Victoria's face. "I'm sorry, Vic."  


"Kate, stop apologizing."  


They were both quiet for a moment, then Kate said, "I wish you could sleep in here."  


Victoria brightened. "I can."  


"What about your parents?"  


"My parents don't care."  


Kate considered this. "They don't?"  


"Well, first, I could just tell them we were talking and I fell asleep in here. But, second, yeah, Kate, they don't care about stuff like this. Do you want me to stay?"  


"I do."  


"Then I will." Victoria kicked her shoes off. She was smiling. "What side do you want?"  


"I don't know."  


"Okay, I'll take the side by the wall." Victoria slid over in her clothes and put her head on the pillow. "Come on."  


Kate stood up. Victoria watched her take off her shoes, then take off her sweater. She felt turned on and a little in disbelief that she was in this situation. Eventually, Kate came over and laid down, too, facing Victoria. Victoria leaned down to pull up the blanket from the foot of the bed. She started to spread it over them.  


Kate said, "So, here we are," and smiled.  


Victoria smiled back, "A little strange, no?"  


"A little." Kate laughed out loud, remembering the diner.  


They lay there looking at each other for a few minutes. Finally, Victoria said, "Can I give you one more kiss?"  


Kate looked at her seriously, then said with a smile, "Can you?"  


"You know, you are surprisingly sarcastic sometimes."  


"Very seldom."  


"But sometimes . . ." Victoria leaned toward her.  


"Victoria, one more. That's it." Victoria leaned over and kissed her, softly. "Kate, that's it."  


When they pulled away from each other, Kate said, "This has been one of my favorite days ever."  


Victoria rested her head back on the pillow and said, "Me too."


	8. March 2014—Convince Kate

March 2014  


Victoria roused to find Kate, head on her pillow, considering her. She looked back through one open eye, barely awake: "Hey, Kate. Fancy meeting you here." She smiled at her.  


Kate smiled back, but it seemed a little forced: "Hey."  


Oh shit, thought Victoria. What have I done? Kate, please don't be sad. "You okay?"  


"I'm okay." Kate smiled again but the delivery of her answer was completely unconvincing. Did she even know she shrugged as she said it?  


Victoria pushed herself up, so her head was resting on her right hand at the end of her bent right arm. She reached out with her left hand and squeezed Kate's upper arm. "Are you sure? Because you seem a little like you're not okay. And I so want you to be okay with what happened, but please just tell me the truth. Kate, I care about our friendship. I don't want to lose that no matter what."  


Kate sighed, "Victoria, I wanted to kiss you last night." She let out a small laugh. "I wanted to kiss you last week. I even want to kiss you again right now . . . but . . . I don't know what happens next. I'm still trying to figure so many things out. I love spending time with you. I love talking to you about art and music and everything. And there's obviously . . . something . . . between us. I have . . . feelings for you. And you say you have a crush on me too. Which I never would've believed could happen, even if I wished it would. Part of me wants to see what this could turn into. But . . ."  


Victoria felt the weight of that "But . . . " on her chest and throat.  


"But school's going to be over soon, and we're going to go to different colleges. And like I said last night, we're so different. I guess it's true, about opposites attracting . . ." Kate shook her head, "Maybe I should have stopped myself from kissing you. But thought I would regret that, too . . ." She inhaled then paused for a moment, and finally said, "And . . . you say your parents don't care, which is cool. But my parents would probably disown me."  


Oh. Victoria felt Kate's sadness even more.  


Kate rolled on her back so she could face the ceiling and didn't have to meet Victoria's gaze. "After everything that happened this fall, my parents agreed to let me see a counselor." Kate had never mentioned this to her before. Victoria always felt too shitty about what had happened to talk to Kate about it. Now, she felt shittier.  


"It took a lot for them to agree to it, and if they knew everything I talked about with her, they'd probably regret it. But it was really good for me. Aside from helping me deal with everything, she helped me understand that I could love God AND be gay. Or at least that there are a lot of people that believe that. I'm sure my parents did not want me to get that message." Kate put her hand on her forehead and turned even further away from Victoria.  


There was silence for a moment. Victoria didn't feel good about where this was headed and didn't know how to respond. She started saying, "Kate . . ." but was interrupted by Kate saying, "I don't know what to do."  


Finally, Victoria dove in with: "What do you want to do?"  


"I want to be with you for three months and then have a broken heart, I guess."  


Victoria laughed a sad laugh, "You just assume I'll break your heart?"  


Kate finally turned to her again and said, "No. No, Victoria. I think having to be apart from you after being with you—and realizing this can never work out—that's gonna break my heart." Kate sighed and looked back up at the ceiling, then asked quietly, "What do you want to do?"  


Victoria reached out for Kate's arm again. "Can you please look at me?" Kate's blue eyes were shimmering back at her. Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into? Victoria couldn't tell if she was reading Kate's mind or hearing her own thoughts. Without a lot of consideration for what all the ramifications could be, what might really be best for both of them, she gave into her feelings completely and said: "Kate . . . what I want is for us to give this a chance to be whatever it is. Maybe it's just three amazing months together and then we go back to being friends."  


"Would it change your mind if I tell you there's a 99 percent chance we're not going to have sex?"  


Victoria, slightly exasperated: "Kate. No, that doesn't change my mind." (But Victoria couldn't help but be intrigued by that 1% chance . . .) "If we end up staying together forever, we'll have to commit to looking at the percentages again, okay?" Victoria raised her eyebrows and pushed Kate's shoulder gently, trying to lighten the mood.  


Kate barely smiled.  


Victoria said, "It's not about that."  


"So, what is it about?"  


Victoria was getting more exasperated, unsettled by her own emotions. She hadn't expected such a heavy relationship-defining discussion quite so early on. And it probably wasn't exactly a great sign. But that was something only experience could teach, so she carried on, with hope that her feelings were enough: "Kate, it's . . . it's about wanting to be closer to you. It's about . . . I'm falling for you because you're so damn smart and talented and nice and funny and I don't know . . . what's anything about? It's about taking a chance so we can figure out what it's about together. Kate, come on."  


Kate's eyes and smile were wider. "Wow, Victoria. I . . . love how hard you're trying to convince me."  


"So . . . be convinced! Please . . ."  


And then Kate pulled Victoria into her arms, pulling her as close as she could. Her arms were wrapped around her, one hand gripping her waist and the other gripping her shoulder, tight, then tighter. Victoria hugged her back.  


Kate simply said, "Try not to break my heart, okay?"  


"Kate . . . okay. Of course. Or, um . . . of course NOT. You know what I mean!"  


Kate pulled back a little and smiled at her: "I know what you mean." And then Kate was kissing her again, even more intensely than the night before. Victoria kissed her back and thought, with a hint of panic, "Do I even know what am I doing? Please, God, if you're there, don't let me totally screw this up . . .Don't let me hurt her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm not sure I think every second can be smooth sailing for these two, but don't worry . . . it will all end in a full fluffapalooza. In a few chapters . . . [So many ellipses today]


	9. March–April 2014—Together

March - April 2014  


However mystifying the dorm had found Victoria's and Kate's growing friendship, whatever was going on with them after spring break left them dumbstruck.  


There were no public displays of affection. They never even touched hands now when anyone else could see. They were careful to never visit the showers at the same time. The connection between them felt so obvious, they thought for sure someone would say something if they were ever in there alone together.  


Every night Victoria would leave her room between 1:30 and 2. If no one was in the hall, she'd go to Kate's room. At 5:30 Kate would go open her door. If the coast was clear, Victoria would go back to her room.  


These early morning hours in Kate's room were all either of them could think about through most of the rest of the day. In the dim light of one lamp, as they lay in bed together, holding hands, or one's head pressed against the other's chest, the stories of their lives so far flowed all around them. They learned each other, intimacy and trust growing between them. It was like a secret paradise, apart from regular reality and all its darkness. Even when they talked about dark times, in the safety of their togetherness, healing grew out of the sadness.  


When Victoria sat in class, she found herself remembering the scent of Kate's hair. When Kate walked across campus, she relived her own imagining of the story of young Victoria getting in trouble for painting on one of her father's photographs because "it needed a little more color."  


*****  


The first week of April, Juliet turned to Dana and said quietly, "Seriously, are those two . . . together?" as they passed Victoria and Kate talking and walking to class.  


Dana shrugged and said, "I . . . don't know. There's no way, right?"  


Juliet shrugged back: "Got me. But it kind of looks like there might be a way."  


*****  


Some nights before she left for Kate's room, Victoria would touch herself in her own bed, imagining being with her. She wanted to tell Kate about it, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She was afraid Kate would feel guilty, like she was pressuring her about sex, or worse just think she was a perv. But when she could spoon her right after, pulling Kate close and falling asleep in Kate's bed—it was the greatest feeling, even with her own guilt. Maybe someday, she told herself . . .  


*****  


The second week of April, as Taylor and Victoria walked to class, Taylor said, "Victoria, I want to ask you something. And don't lie to me. Are you with Kate?"  


Victoria chastised herself for not having an answer ready to go in this moment. Of course, this was bound to happen eventually . . .  


Before she could respond, Taylor continued, "I'm not going to judge you. I just want you to tell me the truth. We're still friends, right?"  


"We're still friends."  


"And?"  


Victoria answered, "So be my friend and don't tell anyone, okay? It's not anyone else's business right now." She struggled to keep her tone happy and not fall back into bullying Taylor to get her way, like she always used to do.  


Despite her obvious suspicions, Taylor still looked surprised. "Wow. Okay. So are you, um, happy or whatever?"  


"I am."  


"Don't take this the wrong way, but you do know that from the outside that seems, like, completely insane, right?"  


"Why?" Victoria, half angry.  


Taylor spoke like she was explaining something to somebody who was very drunk. "Because . . . you two have . . . nothing . . . in common."  


Victoria said, "The thing is, we do."  


Taylor replied, "Hmmm. Well, I'm still kind of surprised, but whatever makes you happy. Really. At least I know why we never hang out anymore."  


Victoria said, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I have been pretty . . . distracted. Let's hang out Wednesday night—whatever you want to do."  


Taylor smiled and said, "Okay. I'll let you know."  


*****  


The second week of April, Alyssa came to Kate's dorm room.  


"Are you free for a little bit, Kate?"  


"Sure, is everything okay?"  


"I don't know."  


Kate was concerned for her friend: "What do you mean?"  


"Maybe you should tell me."  


Then Kate was confused: "Now I really don't know what you mean."  


"I thought we were friends."  


"We are friends."  


"Seems like you're more friends with Victoria now."  


"We can all have more than one or two friends, Alyssa. I'm sorry if you've been wanting to hang out and I haven't been around. We should plan to do something."  


Alyssa seemed hurt or angry; it wasn't totally clear which she was feeling more. "Her? After she was so mean so many times? You're friends with her now? Or is it more than friends?"  


Kate blushed and exhaled, maybe a little nervously. "Alyssa, Victoria has changed a lot since the fall. I know, believe me, I know how mean she was sometimes, but she's not like that anymore. She's just . . . insecure . . . and it was making her behave rudely. But after everything that happened . . . she wanted to change, and she has been changing."  


Alyssa considered this, then said, "So are you two . . . together?"  


Kate Marsh is incapable of lying, by nature and by nurture: "I don't know how to define it exactly, but I guess the easiest thing would be to just say yes. But it's not really a public thing and we're still trying to figure it out for ourselves."  


Alyssa shook her head and said, "I can't believe you," then headed for the door.  


"Alyssa . . ."  


"Not now, Kate." Then she's gone.  


*****  


Five hours later, Alyssa appeared back at the door. "Can I come in, please?"  


Kate said, "Sure."  


Once she's in the room, Alysssa turned to her and said, "I'm sorry I just left before. I was kind of upset and I had to think."  


"Okay."  


"So, you really like her? Like you like her like her—that's what's happening here?"  


Kate nods, "It is."  


Alyssa said, "I'm not really getting it, and I'm mostly afraid that she's going to screw you over, but . . . we're friends. We were friends before, and we're still friends now. I . . . do not understand . . . and it has nothing to do with the gay thing. Just so we're clear. Which I hope we already would be. It's just because it's . . . her." Alyssa shook her head like this wasn't going well. "Look, they say the heart wants what it wants. If this is what you want, then I guess I want you to have it. But if she does do anything to hurt you, I am going to relish the opportunity to punch her. Okay?"  


Kate smiled a small smile and said, "Okay. Thanks, Alyssa."  


Alyssa said, "No problem," and she headed out the door for the second time that day.  


*****  


That night, when Victoria came to her room, Kate told Victoria what had happened.  


"Well, at least I don't have to worry about Alyssa kicking my ass." Victoria joked, but she felt sort of sad about Alyssa's reaction. Because she understood it. Too well. She thought back to Chloe's threat, too. Her reputation still preceded her . . . She wasn't sure if it was harder to change herself or to change everyone's perception of her.  


Kate just smiled and said, "I wanted you to know that she knows."  


Victoria sighed and said, "I should've said something to you before, but Taylor sort of asked me the other day and I basically confirmed it to her, too."  


Kate squeezed Victoria's hand and said, "I understand. Perfectly. The thing is, I should've told you 3 weeks ago . . . I called Max to talk about this. Just a little. I kind of just talked to her about my feelings."

"Yeah?"  


"I figured since she's not here . . .. I know we aren't really saying anything here, but we didn't say we couldn't talk to anybody, right?"  


"Kate, it's fine. I don't even know why we got into this situation of not saying anything. I think it's just because we're still figuring it out ourselves."  


"Right. I think that's what is. It's like our thing that we're still figuring out." She couldn't think of another way to put it. "And my parents . . . I don't know. I'm just not ready to be 100% out about everything to everyone right now. I'm sorry."  


"You and your apologies. So unnecessary. Really, it's fine. Everything is fine. Every single thing is fine between us. And it's fine for some people to know, and it's also fine for most people not to know. I don't care. Whatever. I just want to keep doing this." She leaned over to kiss Kate.  


When the kiss ended, Kate looked into her eyes and said, "You know I love you, right?"  


The quiet in the room suddenly became very heavy. Kate's expression became more serious as she reached to touch Victoria's cheek. "You do know that, right?"  


"Um . . . I do know it. But thanks for saying it." Then Victoria was smiling and her eyes were shining, and she leaned over to kiss Kate again. As this kiss ended, she leaned her forehead against Kate's, eyes still closed, and said, "I love you too."


	10. December 2014—Sweetest thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter sprawled out of control. But there's only this and one more, and then we'll be through. So I indulged my own whims.
> 
> Mild sexual content in the last section.

December 2014  


Victoria merged onto the highway, thinking, "This is crazy. I'm crazy." But Kate had asked her to come visit, and nothing was going to stop her.  


*****  


First, she had looked at flights between San Francisco and Eugene, but that was a little too crazy. Crazy expensive. Then she got in touch with the son of close friends of her parents who lived in San Francisco and asked if she could borrow a car for the weekend. She promised to pay for gas and an oil change and whatever other fees he thought would be fair.  


She stood on the street in front of their rowhouse, a bag over her shoulder, sharing a cigarette with him. The parents were off in Europe somewhere.  


"So, why do you need the car?"  


"Rob . . . it's complicated."  


"Make it simple for me."  


"I have to go see someone."  


"Like a drug dealer? Or like a boy?" He cocked his head to one side and raised both eyebrows.  


Victoria took a drag, looked at the sky, then met his gaze as she exhaled. She answered seriously, "A girl."  


He raised one eyebrow now. "A girl? Hmmm. Is that the truth or are you just trying to appeal to my gayness?"  


Victoria sighed. "Both. Is it working?" She handed the cigarette back to him.  


"Don't tell me Little Miss Tori's in love . . ."  


"You know I hate when you call me that. Can I borrow the car or not?"  


"So testy, especially for someone asking a favor! But I'll have mercy on you. I'm not going to be the one to stand in the way of true love. Or whatever disaster you're about to embark on." He reached into his jacket pocket for the keys. "Take it. But you're going to have to dish when you get back."  


"Fine. You got it." She turned to walk toward the car, then turned around to face him again. "Thank you. I owe you, Rob."  


Rob waved his hand dismissively. "I'm looking forward to the cash. Just don't wreck it, Vic. And good luck with your mystery woman."  


"Yeah, thanks. I think I might need it."  


*****  


As she drove, Victoria remembered how hard things had gotten as the school year had drawn to a close. She tried to talk Kate into continuing their relationship when school ended, but Kate had a million reasons why they shouldn't. Couldn't. How it would never work—like she had said all along. Long-distance relationships and college never worked out . . . And Kate wasn't ready to talk to her parents. And . . . And . . .  


But still, every night, they'd lie in bed talking. About everything. She could hear Kate's voice: "I love you, Victoria. Maybe someday . . . we'll be together for good." She had never known words could crush her and give her hope at the exact same time.  


She remembered a night in late May when their kissing had grown more and more passionate. And then they were doing more than kissing. Kate was beneath her and her hands were under her shirt. And her own shirt was off and Kate's hands were sliding under her bra strap. Her heart was racing, but a voice in the back of her head told her, "Slow down, Vic." She pulled away from Kate, gasping and swallowing, and said, "Wait, wait. I'm sorry. We should . . . slow down."  


Kate was still holding her, her hands gripping her back, pulling her close: "Victoria, it's okay. We don't have to stop."  


"Kate . . . we do . . ."  


And Kate was looking at her with such intensity when she said: "I want you. I want you to know how much I love you." Oh God . . . Victoria's heart had squeezed itself down to a diamond then, but she had shaken her head and pushed herself up to kneeling. With her butt on her heels, she looked down at Kate, her hands still resting on Kate's hips. "I do know. I already know. I just don't want anything to happen that you're going to regret tomorrow."  


And then Kate pushed herself up to sitting too. She had taken both of Victoria's hands, looking her right in the eye still: "Victoria, I wouldn't regret anything that happened between us."  


"It's so easy to think that now . . . But tomorrow . . ." She stopped herself from reminding Kate how she had felt the next morning after their first kiss. "It doesn't feel right to me right now, okay? It's me. It's on me."  


"Because you can't think of me as sexual . . ." Kate finally broke eye contact.  


"What in the world are you talking about? That was you and me a minute ago, right? I most definitely think of you that way, Kate. Trust me . . ." She almost told Kate then about how she would sometimes touch herself before she came to her room, but it seemed like it would make this moment even more complicated. "It's just that . . . the future is so unsettled. I know you have strong feelings for me, but I know you have strong beliefs too. I want you. But at the same time I'm afraid it would be a mistake. Like, you'd hate yourself. Or you'd hate me. And I don't want that. I think we need to . . . not go any further tonight. Can't I just hold you?"  


She never would have been able to convince Kate of it, but really, her hesitation was for both of them, if not mostly for herself. She didn't want Kate to do something she would regret, but she didn't know how she would feel either. She wanted to be with Kate—so much—but Kate kept saying this would be over soon. It hurt. She didn't want to find out if it could hurt more . . .  


Finally, Kate acquiesced and lay down. Victoria rested her head on Kate's back, listening for the faint heartbeat. She couldn't believe how hard she had to fight the urge to cry. "Kate, I love you." The response was quiet. "Victoria, I'm in love you. Please don't ever doubt it just because I'm too weak to deal with it now. I'm sorry."  


Sigh. "Don't apologize." It was like their script. So many I love yous. So many apologies.  


They slept in the same bed for the rest of the school year, but things never got quite that physically intense again. But emotionally . . . every night Victoria felt herself fall a little more.  


*****  


As Victoria focused on the road again, she wondered what exactly she was getting herself into now. She remembered how she had cried in June. A lot. How Kate and she would call each other on the phone, but with no real direction or plan for the future, it just started to hurt more and more. But they would still call.  


When they went off to college, they kept calling. But less. She called Kate for her birthday, and Kate called for hers. And then that conversation had gone a little off the rails. Victoria was trying to find out when they might get to see each other again. And Kate didn't know what to say. And Victoria got angry. And Kate got upset. And then they had said, maybe they should give the calls a break. And that was the worst . . .  


Victoria tried to move on. But she found she just couldn't. She was smart enough to know she had a lot left to learn in this life, but she knew one thing for sure: There was only one Kate Marsh. And if there was any chance they could be together, she was going to fight for it. And now, she was on her way to do it.  


Suddenly this trip started to feel scary. She had been so excited, but now she wondered, was this smart? Or was she being really stupid? Was it fair to either of them? But Kate said to come. She had to do it, or she would always feel like she had let herself down in the worst way. Giving up on the thing her heart yearned for the most without a fight. Stupid, unfair, whatever—she wouldn't do that.  


*****  


After checking into the Excelsior Inn, Victoria made her way to campus and to Kate's dorm. Victoria's necklace was so not Eugene, she got a few curious glances. When she made it to Kate's room, her heart was pounding and she felt a little faint. "Holy shit, I'm actually here." She willed her hand to knock.  


A girl who was firmly entrenched in the hippie phase of her freshman year opened the door and glanced over Victoria with a blissfully blazed-out friendliness. "You must be Victoria. C'mon in."  


Victoria quietly sighed. Always having to wait a little more to be with Kate . . .  


From talking to Kate earlier in the year, she recognized that this must be Beth, the roommate.  


"I'm Beetle." Victoria realized a hand was hanging in front of her waiting to be shaken.  


Victoria gave it a firm squeeze and one shake. No need to overdo it. "Beetle? Nice to meet you. I'm Victoria, as you guessed. Uh, where's Kate?"  


"Oh, she had to run out real quick. I'm pretty sure she thought she'd beat you back. Like, she should be here in one short minute."  


"Great. At least it will be a short one . . ." Victoria glanced around the room, drinking in illustrations by Kate that she had never seen, Kate's clothes hanging in the open closet.  


"Soooo. Vic-tor-i-a. It's sort of surreal to meet you in person. I've heard so much about you."  


"Most of it good, I hope."  


Beetle laughed. "Kate was the one who told me, so of course it was good. Kate doesn't say anything if she doesn't have anything nice to say . . ."  


Victoria smiled and nodded. For a second, she was filled with an irrational hatred for Beetle. Was this who Kate spoke to in the early morning hours now? When was she going to get here?  


Beetle was still talking: "Listen, I don't even know you, but I gotta say, don't hurt my Kate, okay? She is the sweetest. I love that girl."  


Victoria heard herself say with more than a little defensiveness. "I love her, too, so don't worry." God, even strangers wanted to protect Kate from her. Everyone looked at her and saw a person that would eventually break Kate's heart. How come no one could ever see that she had a heart, too, and Kate was breaking it—right now—and she was here to try to save it?  


Beetle looked at her silently for a second, then shook her greasy locks and said, "Cool. Cool. Just had to say it, you know? Feel kind of protective of her. She's so . . ." Beetle suddenly stopped talking, glancing over Victoria's shoulder.  


Victoria found herself being embraced from behind: "Victoria! You're here!" One of the hands wrapped around her waist held a small flowerpot holding a kalanchoe plant. Victoria turned around as quickly as she could and pulled Kate against her.  


She said with a ridiculous amount of excitement, "I'm here. You're here. Together again." She sounded like a complete moron, but she couldn't even care. She wanted to look at Kate's face, but she couldn't stop holding her against her chest as hard as she could. Trying to slow her breathing. Reminding herself, "This is real. This is happening right now."  


Finally, she pulled back a little. Kate's smile was huge, and Victoria could feel her smile widen in return. Oh my God, Kate had the most beautiful eyes, animated so completely with her positive spirit, her pure Kate-ness.  


Kate sort of pushed the plant toward Victoria. "For you."  


Victoria laughed lightly, but in a kind way, taken by surprise. She reached to take it.  


"You drove all this way. I felt like I should do something for you." Kate laughed too, then shrugged. "I know, not much in comparison to a 9-hour drive. But you can take it back with you."  


"No, no. I love it. Totally fair trade . . ." Kate could see how much it meant to her. And Kate remembered how much Victoria loved her. And Kate realized when she said "Come visit," she meant, "If you'll take this one more step toward me, we're going to do this. This thing you want so much . . . I'm going to let you convince me. Because I want it so much too."  


Kate looked at Victoria then reached up to touch her hair. "I like your hair a little longer like this . . ."  


Victoria was surprised to feel herself blush.  


Beetle started to walk toward the door saying, "Maybe I should go and let you two have a little time alone."  


But Kate put out her hand and said, "Stay, B. We're going out."  


*****  


By the time they had finished a meal of vegetarian soft tacos at a place Kate liked, it was almost 8:30. After discussing school and Thanksgiving and the drive, the conversation was becoming strained by their desire to have some privacy before they could really talk about the things they needed to talk about.  


But the whole time Kate kept reaching for Victoria's hand, touching her arm—just like before—and Victoria felt a little more hopeful with every second of contact. Finally she had the courage to vocalize, "So, you've got to come see my room, and maybe we can talk about . . . things . . . a little more. You ready to go?" And Kate gripped her hand again and said, "You're right. Let's go to your room."  


Victoria wondered when her lungs would start working properly again. She was only managing ridiculously shallow breaths.  


*****  


When they got to Victoria's room, they took off their coats, and Victoria put the little plant on the nightstand. They stood there awkwardly staring at each other for a minute. Victoria started to marshall her arguments, but the weight of so many other conversations about how "this could never work" was hard to push through.  


Before she could speak, Kate exhaled and said, "If you still want us to be together, we don't need to talk . . ."  


Victoria felt like the walls were closing in on her as she tried to read Kate's eyes and hear her words at the same time.  


"Because I want us to be together too." Kate was looking at her expectantly, but Victoria maintained a strange quiet. She had come ready to persuade, but this turn of events had knocked her off her game.  


Kate's hand was on her shoulder. "I know I put you off so many times, Vic. But please reach for me this one last time. I swear I'm here for you. I'm ready to try to make it work."  


Victoria's emotions were whipsawing back and forth. Disappointment. Hope. She asked tentatively, "You want to try to make it work?"  


"Victoria, yes." Kate was smiling and nodding and looking emotional. "Yes."  


"But what about the distance, and your family, and . . ." (Victoria thought, Why are you making her arguments for her? Idiot brain . . .)  


"I know, I know all of that. But I see all these women together here and—I just think of you all the time. God forgive me, I even judge them." Victoria shook her head in confusion and gave Kate a questioning look.  


Kate laughed. "I know, it's horrible, but I'm becoming friends with them and I watch them interact and all I can think is, 'What I have with Victoria is so much better than this.'"  


Victoria laughed and reached out to put her hand on Kate's side. "Do you really think that?"  


Kate was shaking her head. "I do. I'm horrible."  


Victoria pulled Kate close so their chests were touching. "Kate, you have never been within a million miles of horrible. Except by being with me maybe."  


Kate: "You're not horrible."  


"Fine. Neither of us is horrible, okay? . . . We have the weirdest conversations." And then Victoria was kissing her and holding her close.  


Kate's hand was on the back of Victoria's neck, fingers curling gently through her hair, hand pulling her closer. Their kissing grew deeper and wetter. Victoria's hands slipped under Kate's shirt, and Kate started to inch them toward the bed.  


"Kate?"  


Kate had a look of slightly desperate passion. Victoria was sure she had never seen it so obvious before. She wondered what Kate saw in her eyes.  


"Victoria, I want to be with you. Just like I told you in May." Kate was trying to encourage Victoria to just agree with her—wide open eyes, smile, a slight nodding. "Victoria, I want it to be you. You and me. Right now." Victoria thought back to stopping herself and Kate back then, how she knew it had been the right thing to do . . . but if Kate didn't want to stop now, neither did she.  


*****  


When Victoria thought back on it, she could never remember exactly how they got out of their clothes. It seemed like one second they were standing there kissing, and then Kate said, "Can you turn the light out?" And Victoria turned the light out in the blink of an eye. Then they moved to the bed and hands were under clothes. Then shirts were coming off. And pants were coming off. And bras were coming off.  


They were so close together, and Victoria was torn. She wanted to feel Kate's breasts against her, but she wanted to look at Kate's breasts too. She decided this was the most awesome dilemma she had ever faced. She held Kate close.  


She exhaled and said, "You are so soft" close to Kate's ear.  


And Kate said, "You too." And then Kate moved back a little and said, "I want to see you." Always the brave one, though only real friends would ever suspect it.  


Victoria took her opportunity to look at Kate. She had failed to imagine just how perfect her breasts could be. Her whole body. She reached out to trace a finger along the swell of her breast. "Kate . . . you are beautiful."  


And then Kate's hand was gently holding her breast, and Victoria thought if she died right now, well, it had been a good life. "Victoria, you are." And Kate leaned forward and kissed the top of her breast. Victoria gasped out Kate's name and held her head gently.  


After that, they were kissing each other on every inch of bare skin. Breasts, bellies, hips, backs, necks. Holding each other and moving together. And eventually panties came off too. And they were just naked alone at last. Kissing and entwined with each other. Trying to get closer.  


When Victoria felt Kate's wetness against her thigh, she did die a little. Just for a second, but still . . .  


Victoria asked "Can I touch you?" and in that moment, Kate had no sarcastic replies. She sighed out, "Vic, yes" and held her tighter in her arms.  


Lying at Kate's side, her left arm wrapped around her and her right hand tentatively sliding between Kate's legs, she told herself, "Victoria, keep your shit together. Kate needs you to keep your cool right now."  


But the second she felt her finger slide in Kate's wetness, she couldn't suppress a groan. "Oh my God, Kate!" And "Oh . . . I didn't mean to offend you." And Kate doesn't reply, except to pull her closer. Then she sticks to wordless groans, to be on the safe side. Then she realizes her sounds are blending with gasps and groans from Kate.  


Then, "Kate, you feel amazing." And Kate is moaning agreement and moving under her touch, and gripping her tighter and tighter. And saying her name. Oh God. She tries to keep the same rhythm and pressure, but it's so hard to not to speed up. And she's trying to catch her breath and trying to swallow. And she looks at Kate, and Kate is looking right at her and says "I love you." And that's when Victoria Chase got her heart back once and for all.  


She's saying, "I love you! Kate, I love you. I love you." And everything is the same rhythm--the circles of her finger over Kate's clit, and the thrusting of Kate's hips. And their breathing. And their kissing. And suddenly Kate is reaching down to touch her too. Victoria almost comes undone. The world shrinks down to just the two of them. And another second later, Kate comes. Quietly, with almost a cry. Her full body tenses, her back arching, and then she is melting against Victoria saying, "I wanted you so much. I wanted you sooo much." And all Victoria can say is "Me too." Some measureless time goes by as they hold each other close.  


Finally, Victoria shifts and kisses Kate's cheek. And she kisses her lips. She holds her and caresses her back. And she recovers herself enough to say, "We are going to last, Kate Marsh. I promise you. I love you more than I can ever tell you." She realizes the way she sounds—like maybe she's a little crazy right now. But it's just the truth, and the river of emotions is too much for her to contain. And if Kate didn't hear this truth, that would be a crime. She lies down flat on the mattress, overcome by everything.  


Kate rests her head against Victoria's chest and says, "I know, Victoria. It's the sweetest thing ever. I'm right there with you, I promise. I promise too."


	11. February 2026—Together, for good

February 2026  


Victoria struggled to unlock the door as she juggled her keys, a purse, a tote bag, and a full-size paper bag filled with Chinese food. She finally pushed the door open and deposited everything but the food on the side table in the hallway.  


Slightly annoyed: "Kate?"  


She stepped into the kitchen and flipped the light switch, glancing through to the dark dining room. They had agreed on 6:30 for dinner. Usually Kate would be down here, getting plates and drinks on the table if not opening the door.  


Now slightly worried, Vic called out, "Katie?"  


*****  


No one but Kate knows how much Victoria had needed someone she could trust completely. Victoria's parents had thought they were doing her a favor telling her how dog-eat-dog and cutthroat the world is (and the art world? even more so). But it got to the point where she couldn't even trust her friends—or trust herself not to stab them in the back. In Kate she found a person who would never betray her, never give into a cruel idea, never settle for the world just being "that way." Kate worked to change it. She looked for goodness, and she found it. If not, she created it. Victoria loved that about her so much. And when Victoria wanted to change, to become a better person—Kate loved that about her and saw the strength it took.  


No one but Victoria knows how much Kate wanted someone to see her as an adult. She was intelligent, with her beliefs evaluated and considered, not just blindly adopted from her parents or her church. Victoria loved to talk about ideas with her. Talk about art. Kate was independent and self-possessed in her spirit. Always seeking God and the truth with her own heart and mind. And Kate was sexual. And when she knew she could trust you, the kind of girl that would push you up against the wall and take her time with you. And Victoria never once questioned it. Never said, "Kate, you're a 'good girl'—you can't be like that. Not the way you were raised." No, Victoria accepted her—delighted in her—exactly as she was and thought nothing was hotter than how no one would ever suspect it. And that that was Victoria's reaction made Kate happy and comfortable and just increased her confidence.  


The love between them was good for both of them. And they both knew it.  


It wasn't always easy. Kate was right; long distance was hard. But Victoria knew Kate would be faithful, and Kate committed to trusting Victoria. They saw each other as often as they could, spoke almost every day, and the time went by, as it does. They held on. They made it through school. And then they moved into together.  


Kate loved her parents, but she loved herself, too, and was committed to telling the truth. When Kate's parents said they wouldn't be talking to her anymore, it was horrible. When they said she shouldn't talk to her sisters anymore, that was devastating. But Lynn took the chance on sending emails to Kate's old college email address, and Kate took the chance on checking it. They stayed in touch. And when Victoria and Kate got married, both of Kate's sisters were there with her.  


Victoria never forgot the day her mother had taken her to lunch soon after Kate and she moved into their first apartment. Her mom said how lovely Kate was, such a sweet, good person. Somewhere between the appetizer and the main course, she wondered out loud if maybe Kate wasn't a little too . . . unsophisticated . . . to be the best permanent match for Victoria. Victoria hid her anger—and her hurt—and did her best to explain that Kate was the greatest match she could imagine for her. And by dessert she was sure her mother knew, in no uncertain terms, that nothing would ever get between them.  


One day years later another art broker, a friend of an acquaintance from out of town, came into Victoria's office to talk up a young Sacramento photographer. As they talked, she had picked up a children's book from Victoria's desk. She looked at it with bemusement. She said as she gestured at the gritty portraits lining the walls, "This is a little out of place here . . ." Victoria smiled and said, "That's by my wife." The broker turned the book over, examined the small author photo on the cover. Kate in a blouse, still proudly displaying her cross. The broker looked at the photo, looked up at Victoria, then back at the book—and started to laugh. "You . . . you almost had me there." But Victoria just sighed almost imperceptibly and said, "No, no. I'm not kidding. That is my wife. Those are her illustrations, and she wrote the story. It's actually been quite successful." The broker replied with embarrassment, nodding, "Oh. Huh. Well, it looks very sweet." Victoria thought, "No one can ever believe Kate and I would work together. I'm glad we never let that stand in our way . . ."  


Every year the sights and sounds of early spring would remind Kate of the days when she was first falling for Victoria. That had been the craziest year of her life. She would think back to the night she had sat at her desk in the girls dorm at Blackwell, talking to Max on the phone about her feelings. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation she found herself saying, "Max, I'm in love with her" and in the moment of acknowledging it, it was almost as if her whole life opened out in front of her. She saw a future with Victoria, and she wanted to live it. She heard Max saying, "Kate, if that's how you really feel, follow your heart. There's no one's heart I'd trust more."  


The years came and went, but still there was something between them that always felt new. They were just different enough to keep everything interesting, to keep seeing the world in new ways through each other. They would still lie in bed, holding hands, talking about the day and dreams for the days to come. It was just good, and if no one else understood it, it would never matter—they did.  


*****  


Victoria walked up the stairs, and was relieved to see light streaming out under the door to the studio. She opened the door, but Kate didn't react. She had ear buds in and was hunched over a drafting table littered with illustrations showing the latest adventures of Alice the Bunny. Looked like Alice was finally getting that tricycle . . .  


Victoria moved into Kate's sight line and waved a little, gesturing at the food: "Babe . . . dinner?"  


But Kate didn't see her till the last second and grabbed her chest, startled. She pulled the ear buds out and smiled a huge smile, "Vic! You scared me!"  


"You scared me. I didn't know where you were. You know I'm a little anxious these days . . ." Victoria eyed the pregnant belly that couldn't quite be tucked under the table anymore.  


"Vic, if anything is going on, you will be the first to know. Or, the third one to know." Kate moved some papers to reveal her phone. "You know I keep this with me every second. I just got so caught up working on these. Is it really 6:30 already?"  


"Yes. Now come on. Come eat."  


"Hold on a second." Kate held up the sheet she had just been drawing on. "What do you think? It's a little challenging to make a rabbit look natural on a trike . . ."  


Victoria took in the scene. This beautiful woman just beaming at her, sharing her art with her. Sharing her whole life with her.  


"I think I am a ridiculously lucky woman."  


Kate rolled her eyes and said, "Does anyone else have any clue what a big bowl of mush you actually are, Victoria Chase?"  


"You are absolutely the only one. And I like it that way. Now come on . . ." Victoria held her hand out, and Kate reached out to take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The craziest part of this whole thing is, I didn't even ship these two during the game—at all. But I saw the pairing in some Pricefield stories, and it got into my imagination. Suffice to say, I ship 'em now! 
> 
> Just want to mention I have some other LIS stories. Check them out if you're interested. But this is the only Chasemarsh in the bunch. Hope I did these two justice.


	12. Additional scenes—1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been debating adding this here or not. This is some material that ended up not really fitting the overall flow/arc of the story as posted in Chapters 1 through 11. Sometimes less is more.
> 
> On the other hand, it's written, so, what the heck? I'm not sure that it would really stand on its own, so I'm going to put it here for anyone who wants to check it out. Been craving more angst for these two? Have at it. We know they have a happy ending, so then the angst is a little more tolerable, right? Maybe it's just me . . .
> 
> I reserve the right to add other scenes too. Apparently, I still have Chasemarsh fever, so anything could happen. Sometimes more is more too.

February 12, 2016  


11:00 p.m., and Victoria checked her phone again. The last text from Kate was from 9 p.m.  


Kate: This project is taking longer than I thought it would. I'll call as soon as I can.  


Victoria sighed. This lonely Friday night was just the harbinger of the lonelier Valentine's Day that awaited her on Sunday. She hadn't seen Kate since November. She was super stressed by school. She was PMSing. And her PMS was exacerbating her creeping fears about whether Kate and she could really work out in the end.  


Kate had planned to talk to her parents during Christmas break about her and Victoria being together. But then she didn't do it. She couldn't. And Victoria understood. Really. But now it was becoming a thing—more of thing than it already had been. A seed of doubt that kept threatening to sprout and grow. What if love wasn't enough . . .  


All she needed was to talk to Kate, and she would start to feel better. But Kate wasn't there to talk to. Everything sucked.  


Her phone rang. She looked at the screen and relief washed over her. "Kate! Finally . . ."  


"Hey, babe."  


Victoria released a long breath. "This is the best part of this whole freaking day. I wish you were here." She walked into her bedroom and flopped onto her bed. "Jess is gone for the whole weekend to visit James. It would be just you and me."  


"You've mentioned . . ."  


"I know. I just . . . I just really miss you."  


Victoria heard someone talking in the background and Kate saying, "Thank you."  


"Who are you talking to?"  


"I'm thanking the woman who let me into the lobby of your building."  


"Don't even joke like that tonight. I'm serious. You don't know how much I'm missing you right now."  


"Victoria, I do know. I listen to you when you talk to me. Now come down to the lobby and get me."  


Victoria sat up in the bed. "Do you understand that if I come downstairs right now and you are not there, I will lose it? Completely. Even if there were a thousand red roses and a puppy with my name on its collar."  


"No roses, no puppy. Just me."  


Victoria's heart started racing. "I'm getting my keys, and I'm leaving my apartment. After I close the door behind me, I'm not going to be okay if you tell me you were only kidding."  


Kate laughed: "Do you even know me? Have I ever pulled any kind of practical joke on you, ever? On anyone? Get down here already. I'm tired. And I miss you, too."  


Victoria picked up her keys. "I'm at the door. Last chance to confess."  


"Victoria!" Kate laughed. "I have nothing to confess unless being in the lobby of your building is a crime. If you aren't down here in 5 minutes, I'm getting a ride back to Oregon."  


Kate heard a door slam through her speaker. "I'm coming."  


"You haven't even seen me yet."  


Victoria was rushing down the stairs. No patience for the elevator right now. "Kate Marsh . . . I swear. Such a dirty mind behind that innocent face. And no one ever suspects you."  


"I don't even know what you're talking about."  


"Okay, smartass. I'm hanging up."  


"Hurry, you're down to 4 and a half minutes."  


Victoria was flying down the stairs and then, finally, she was pushing the door at the bottom of the stairway wide open. And there was Kate, still looking at the phone in her hand, a backpack on her back. The most beautiful sight in the world. "Oh my God."  


Kate turned to her, smiling. Victoria knew Kate didn't like it when she said that, but sometimes she couldn't help it. She crossed the space between them quickly and pulled Kate against her so hard she lifted her off the ground. "You are fucking here! You are making my life right now."  


Kate held her close, then kissed the side of her neck and said quietly, "I'm here, babe. I know you've been having a rough week."  


"But how are you here? This is your secret project?"  


"This is it. Now are you ready to get out of the lobby?"  


"Yes. This way." Victoria took Kate's hand and led her to the elevator.  


*****  


They sat down on the sofa in the apartment. Victoria turned to Kate and said, "So, tell me how exactly you have ended up here on my couch . . . where you belong."  


"Okay. Beetle has a good friend named Josh who was coming to San Francisco to visit his girlfriend this weekend. And she knew I really wanted to come see you, so she got us in touch. And here we are. That's the story."  


"You just spent 9 hours in a car with some guy you don't know?" Victoria wasn't sure how she felt about that.  


"I don't know him know him, but I've met him before. He's a really nice guy. He volunteers at the same shelter I do." Victoria suddenly knew how she felt about this—she hated it. She imagined a future Kate telling a group of children, "And that's when Grandpa and I fell in love! During those 18 hours in the car, when I went to visit an old friend of mine from high school . . ." She knew it didn't make sense, but she felt upset, even jealous.  


Victoria opened her mouth and said, "Oh . . ." She then failed to stop herself from adding, "He sounds like the kind of person your parents would love to know that you're spending time with."  


Kate closed her eyes and sighed. "Victoria . . . Babe, really?" Her voice sounded sad and disappointed. God, couldn't she ever just get angry? It would be so much easier sometimes . . .  


Victoria started shaking her head and she sighed too, "Fuck. I'm sorry." She reached for Kate's hand and Kate didn't pull away (because she wasn't Victoria). "I'm just stressing. And PMSing. I'm, like . . . emotionally compromised right now. I'm just feeling insecure . . . about everything."  


Kate still looked sad, but she said, "I know." She squeezed Victoria's hand.  


Victoria continued, looking down, "God, I'm an asshole. I shouldn't have said that."  


"You're not. You're not an asshole. I know I need to talk to them. But It's not that easy." Kate sighed again. "We can talk about all of that this weekend. But do you think we can find something to eat right now?" Maybe Victoria wasn't the only one who was tired and stressed . . .  


Victoria nodded. "Yeah, come on. Let's go look at what we have."  


*****  


Victoria stood at the counter pouring boiling water over ramen noodles in a glass bowl and scanning a lifetime of memories. No, she concluded, she had never felt emotional about making food before. She had never once thought of it as taking care of someone. As she poured the seasoning packet in, she realized how much her thinking had changed over the last couple of years. These thoughts came from a new brain, wired by being in love with Kate. No one had ever told her this would happen. That her whole world would change, become more beautiful—even fucking ramen noodles. Victoria didn't want to go back to her old world again. She placed the bowl in front of Kate.  


"Thanks, Vic."  


"Sure, babe," Victoria said as she sat down next to her. Her new brain thought, Let me be the one who takes care of you. But she knew that trying to explain it all out loud would just sound bonkers . . .  


*****  


After Kate finished eating, they both agreed that they should go and lie down to talk, something they had done since the beginning days of their relationship. Whether much talking actually happened—well, there was the rest of the weekend for that.  


Very little talking happened. And Victoria was good with that. Right then, it seemed like talking could go off the rails at any moment. Feeling Kate's weight gently resting on top of her instead filled her with calmness and a sense of security.  


But as they were kissing and touching, something paradoxical began to happen in Victoria's mind. She felt closer to Kate than she had ever felt to anyone—but suddenly her fears and insecurities started to feed off the intensity of their closeness. Holding Kate, feeling her warm, soft skin, Victoria felt like her soul was naked—and like Kate was slipping away from her.  


It was all so overwhelming, the physical sensations of being touched by Kate, while her emotions were careening out of control. She loved her so much. What would it be like to lose her? But what would it be like to be the reason that Kate lost her family? How could their relationship survive that?  


Victoria didn't want to think these things; she didn't want to feel these feelings. She wanted to stay in the moment. Kate was gently kissing her breast, holding her, her fingers moving inside her. Victoria shifted, wanting Kate to be even closer, deeper. She wanted to give herself to Kate and have an orgasm and fall asleep in Kate's arms—and let every thought in her mind dissolve into the night. In the morning, everything would feel better, less insane—then they could talk. But then Kate was whispering, I love you so much. And then—fuck everything—Victoria started to cry. Kind of uncontrollably.  


Kate stopped what she was doing and tried to reassure her, holding her, moving to be face-to-face with her, stroking her hair. "Victoria? Hey, talk to me. Babe, what's wrong?"  


At first Victoria couldn't say anything. She looked at Kate, but she couldn't bear it and had to turn her head. She choked on the words, "I'm going to lose you."  


Kate was shaking her head. "No. You're not, Vic. You're not." She lightly touched Victoria's cheek.  


"I'm ruining your life."  


"No . . . "  


Everything came pouring out of Victoria, her voice getting progressively more desperate. "How can you choose me over your family? You can't. How could you, ever? You know it, too. That's why you can't talk to them . . ." Beneath Kate, she was shrugging and gesturing with both hands, and finally she covered her face. "This is all my fault. You tried to tell me it wouldn't work so many times, but I wouldn't listen. Because I'm so in love with you."  


"Victoria, I love you too. It's all okay . . ."  


"I should just break up with you, so you can go marry someone like Josh and be happy and have the life you're supposed to have. But I'm too selfish to do it."  


Kate pushed herself up and off of Victoria, and moved to sit next to her on the bed. Victoria heard her exhaling and thought, "Oh shit. Maybe I should've never wished she would get angry . . ." But Kate shifted to sit cross-legged, making sure her hip was touching Victoria's, and she rested her right hand on Victoria's belly.  


Kate gathered herself and cleared her throat, finally saying, "Victoria, I know you're scared. But that doesn't mean you suddenly think I'm a liar, right?"  


Victoria wiped her cheek and moved one hand to rest on Kate's calf, though she still couldn't meet her eyes. "Babe . . . of course not. . ."  


"So you believe me when I tell you that I'm gay, right?" Kate's tone balanced between hurt and anger.  


Victoria faced her again, just able to make out the glistening in Kate's eyes in the dim light. "Kate . . . "  


"Do you believe me?"  


Victoria was kind of laughing and crying at the same time. She gestured at the two of them. "Babe, obviously I believe you."  


"Then—obviously—you know I'm never going to marry anyone like Josh, right? And you know that that wouldn't make me happy." Kate caressed the hand Victoria was resting on her leg.  


Victoria struggled to explain her thinking. "I don't want being with me to hurt you. I don't want you to lose your family. I'm so not worth that. But I can't give you up. This whole situation is so messed up. I mean . . . I love you. I want that to be the most important thing. But what if it isn't?" Victoria wiped her eyes again and said, "I'm sorry I'm melting down like this."  


The room was quiet except for Victoria's sniffles. She wished Kate would say something, anything. Finally, she did.  


"Victoria, I love you too. You can melt down whenever you need to. I know you're upset because I haven't talked to my parents . . ."  


"Kate, it's okay. I'm sorry . . ."  


Kate interrupted her, "Obviously, it isn't. But I can't lie to you. I am scared about what will happen when I do. But I don't mean to make you feel insecure. And I know that's what happening here. But it shouldn't make you feel that way. I haven't told them because . . . because I take this so seriously. This is my whole life we're talking about here. Our whole life. You are the life I'm supposed to have. You are the only person I want to marry."  


Victoria inhaled and let these words wash over her, wash some of her insecurity away.  


"But my parents definitely are not ready to hear that. But . . . I can't stop saying But . . ." Kate was a little frazzled too by this conversation happening now, like this. "But they're the ones causing this situation, not you."  


There was quiet again, and in the dim light Kate traced the outline of Victoria's hand with her finger.  


She continued, "But . . . Another but!" She laughed at herself. "This is the most important but . . . But none of this is going to stop me from being with you."  


Kate moved to lie down at Victoria's side again. For a moment they just lay there looking at each other. Kate searched Victoria's eyes and said, "I am going to marry you someday . . . And my parents are going to have to know that. But I'm not ready to deal with it yet. I don't mean to hurt you, but I'm not."  


"I shouldn't have pressured you about this. I should be supporting you."  


Kate shifted to rest her head on Victoria's shoulder. She kept talking quietly. "Vic, I'm sorry that I made you cry, but I love that you trust me enough to melt down. You have been supporting me on this for a long time. I just need you to keep doing it for a little while longer. I'm so sorry I made you cry, but . . ."  


Victoria smiled at her and nudged her, "But . . ."  


"You don't have to be insecure about us. Ever."  


They lay there, their breaths getting deeper and slower with every moment.  


Victoria spoke again, but unlike before, her voice was barely above a whisper. "I'm so in love with you. It makes me feel really . . . fragile. And I kind of hate it. But I kind of love it too. Being with you is so great, I get terrified imagining what it would be like to lose . . . all the dreams I have for us."  


Kate hugged her tight: "Babe . . . you don't have to be scared. I have dreams for us too." She pushed herself up and gave Victoria a long kiss. Then she said, "I have spent so many hours praying about this, thinking about us. I wish my parents could understand. And maybe someday they will. I hope. But either way, I won't lie to myself to make them happy. What I am trying to get you to understand is, you are stuck with me." She smiled at Victoria.  


"I'm taking that as a promise."  


"Good, it is one." Kate gave Victoria's side a gentle squeeze. "Do you feel better now?"  


"Yes. Much better. Sorry I lost it, but I couldn't stop it. Believe me, I didn't want to lose it right then."  


Kate gave her a knowing smile. "Oh, I believe you."  


"Probably not the first night you were hoping for."  


"We're together. That's all I was hoping for. It's reassuring for me too, knowing you feel that strongly about us. I wouldn't want to be the only one."  


Victoria kissed the top of Kate's head. "I crazy love you, Kate. Tomorrow night no talking."  


Kate tilted her head back to give Victoria an eyebrow raise. "I'm taking that as a promise."  


Victoria squeezed her and said, "Good, it is one."  



	13. Additional scenes—2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this it. Maybe not. I don't even know anymore. I just like writing about these two.

March 12, 2025  


March 12 was a not a typical day from the beginning. Though it was technically still winter, it was unseasonably warm. The second that Kate opened the kitchen window and felt the warm, glorious air, she decided that she and Victoria should have breakfast on the deck. She glanced at the clock and thought, More like brunch . . . This was her favorite sort of Saturday.  


She made a mug of black coffee and turned on the tea kettle. Then, she started to get everything ready to make French toast. As Kate whisked eggs in that old glass bowl that had managed to survive every move with them, Victoria came up behind her, wrapped her arms around Kate's waist and said, "Good morning, beautiful."  


Kate smiled at the contact: "Hmmm, she finally rouses from bed . . ."  


Victoria pressed Kate against the counter with her full body as she hugged her even tighter. She nuzzled the side of Kate's neck, then kissed the top of her shoulder, saying with fake sternness, "No. Uh-uh. You have no right to judge me when you're the one who tired me out."  


Kate smiled even wider. "So, are you too tired to slice some strawberries or melons? Whatever we have in the fridge? We're eating breakfast on the deck."  


"For you, I'm never too tired. Plus, you made me coffee." Victoria reached for the mug and took a long sip. "You are the best."  


"Babe, after all this time, I know how to get you into bed and how to get you out of it." Kate playfully bumped her hip against Victoria's and said, "Now, get cutting."  


*****  


As Kate and Victoria were finishing their meal, the sun was high in the sky. Birdsong filled the air.  


Kate sighed happily and said, "What a beautiful day. I'm so ready for spring. Even if this is just a sneak peek, I'm thankful for it." She closed her eyes and leaned back to feel the sun on her face. Victoria took the chance to admire Kate's beauty without her being able to turn away.  


Victoria reached to gently sqeeze Kate's thigh under the table. "This was a really good idea. Thank you for getting us to do it."  


"It's nice to just relax with you for awhile. But I should probably start cleaning this up, and the kitchen . . ."  


Victoria held onto Kate's thigh and shook her head. "No. We can both clean everything up in a little while. Let's enjoy the sun while we can. I actually want to talk to you about something."  


Kate wondered if Victoria was going to tell her about another trip out of town for work. She hoped not. Although she loved that Victoria liked her job, she missed her when she was gone. And she was starting to have a desire to settle down a little more. To have more mornings like this one. To maybe change their busy lives into something different . . .  


". . .months? . . . Kate, did you hear me?"  


Victoria's voice started coming through loud and clear again. "What? Oh. I'm sorry, Vic. I sort of zoned out."  


Victoria shook her head again and laughed a little. "I said, 'Do you know what happens in 6 months?'"  


Kate's first reaction was to shrug slightly, but then, it dawned on her. She started to shake her head. "Oh my gosh, I do not want to start talking about that already."  


Victoria was smiling. "Come on. It's a big one. Thirty."  


"I know . . ."  


"Soooo, if you want to go somewhere special, or if there's some special gift you have in mind, I want the chance to get it for you. Or do it for you. Whatever it is. You never ask for anything."  


Victoria's smile was so bright. Her hand was soft on top of Kate's hand. She was looking at Kate with so much love. It was such a beautiful day. Suddenly Kate felt herself falling into a reverie that she had been returning to more and more lately. A future day she wanted so badly . . . but hadn't really been able to articulate to Victoria yet. She held it in her mind for a second, then exhaled in a way that was almost a sigh. 

Then she said with the most regular tone she could muster, "I don't have anything special in mind."  


Victoria turned her head slightly to the side and squinted at Kate with open suspicion. With a slightly scolding tone she said, "Katie Chase . . . "  


Kate smiled at the nickname. Victoria only brought it out for special moments—like when she wanted to charm information out of her wife. She knew Kate loved it, though she had chosen to keep her family's name. ("That's one thing they can't take back from me," she had told Victoria.)  


". . . you know your eyes give you away every time, right?" Victoria traced a finger down Kate's forearm. "You obviously were thinking about something. Come on. Tell me. I know what it's not—it's not jewelry or anything like that. But I'm not sure I can guess what it is . . ."  


"Victoria, . . . " Kate suddenly felt she wanted to just say it.To say what was in her thoughts and in her heart. She tried to find the right words, but this discussion—if they really had this discussion—was so heavy she wasn't sure she could lift it right now. ". . . really, it's nothing."  


Victoria slipped into full detective mode. "'It's nothing? What's nothing? Something can't be nothing, right?" And she was smiling, and kidding around, and happy. But then she started to see the conflicting emotions in Kate's eyes. How her smile had ghosted away in less than a second . . .  


She looked into Kate's eyes again and said more seriously, "Babe, listen, I'm serious. You never ask for anything. Ever. If there is something you want, please tell me. I know it's hard for to ask for things for yourself—so think of it as being for me. You don't have to feel guilty for actually wanting something every once in a while." She could see Kate searching inside herself, and her curiosity began to swell. What was Kate thinking about?  


"Victoria . . . I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about this."  


Then, Victoria got a little worried. What the hell did that mean? There was something that Kate didn't want to talk about with her? She reached for Kate's hand again and it felt for an instant like Kate tried to pull away a little. Which never happened. Ever. Then, Victoria got a little scared. Maybe she imagined it? But there was a hesitancy from Kate that hadn't been there in . . . years? How did beautiful, sunny morning breakfast after super sexy Friday night turn into this moment? Life was so unpredictable . . . But it felt like there was only one option—to push on. So Victoria pushed on, still holding Kate's hand.  


"Babe, please, remember, you can say anything to me. I'm not sure what's going on here all of sudden. I mean, I can see we're not talking about birthday gifts anymore, but whatever else we're not talking about, I want us to talk about it."  


Kate exhaled. The first step—the one when you're trying to really learn the tension of the tightrope—that's the hardest. But why was it so scary? What was the danger? That Victoria would disagree? But Victoria was her best friend. They would talk about it. They would figure it out. They had even talked about it before. But not . . . for real. It would feel so good to talk to her about it. It was just that Victoria had planned things out a certain way . . . She was zoning out again.  


"Kate? You're scaring me a little bit . . ."  


Kate thought, Now we're both scared? Okay, this doesn't make any sense. Kate started to talk, hesitantly, "Victoria . . . There's nothing to be scared about. But, I'm a little scared too."  


Victoria was shaking her head. "You know that doesn't make any sense, right? What are you scared about? You're the one who knows what you're thinking. I mean, I'm finding this whole situation kind of confusing, but all I know is—I want to know what you're thinking about it, and whatever it is, we can talk about it. Just don't say you want to leave."  


Kate laughed out loud. In honest emotion and to relieve the tension. She looked into Victoria's eyes and said, "Leave? Victoria, what are you talking about? That's crazy talk."  


Victoria laughed too, though not as deeply as Kate. "Babe, I honestly have no idea what is going on here. I just automatically go to the worst possible thing . . ."  


Finally, Kate couldn't take it anymore and she dove in, full-on cannonball style. She was still laughing, nervously, as she said, "Victoria, I don't want to leave you. I want to have a baby with you." And then she wasn't laughing. "More than anything . . ."  


Kate dove in, but Victoria was the one who was suddenly in the deep end. She felt a full-body shock, a deep visceral thrill—and she definitely couldn't breathe . . .


End file.
